


Beautiful Freak

by Python07



Series: Archer Wakes Up Bi-Sexual [1]
Category: Archer (Cartoon)
Genre: Hand Jobs, M/M, Masturbation, PWP, Smut, voyeur Archer, weird Krieger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 19:43:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3703311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Python07/pseuds/Python07
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Archer's felt a little different since almost drowning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beautiful Freak

The light from the multiple screens of every camera in the house cast weird shadows behind him. “I can’t even tell you when it happened,” he said with a wistful sigh. The swivel chair squeaked beneath him as he shifted his weight. “No. wrong. I think I can. Well…” 

His captive audience lay on the floor. He muttered through the gag and rolled his eyes.

He shifted his weight again, oblivious. “It was when I woke up from almost drowning. There was Lana, right above me. I could’ve grabbed her right there and planted a big one on her, you know. And she wouldn’t have stopped me. I did almost die for her after all.” He waved a hand dismissively. “Her and that baby. I still don’t understand why? Babies are loud and smelly and…”

The audience of one muttered some more, louder and more exasperated.

He shrugged and blithely went on. “Anyway, went off on a tangent there. Ray was there when I woke up too and I just wanted to touch him. So, I did. That man is so ticklish but he didn’t seem to mind me on top of him. And I didn’t mean to hit his bionic legs with the defibrillator.” He sat forward and pointed down at his captive. “And you. You didn’t have to wait so long to reboot the CPU so he could walk again.”

The audience squirmed against the ropes on his hands and feet. He spit something else unintelligible through the gag.

He sprawled back in the chair and nudged the captive with his toe. “You know the first thought that popped into my head when I opened my eyes?” He smirked. “That Ray was fucking hot without that ridiculous mustache. I wonder what I’d have to do to convince him to shave it again.”

The audience was red in the face. He rolled his eyes again.

He snickered. “I know. That was just totally gay, right? Is it possible to wake up gay?” He knelt next to the audience. “You’re a doctor or a mad scientist or whatever. Is that possible?” he asked and inched the gag down to uncover the audience’s mouth. 

The audience just glared.

He blinked innocently and settled on his knees. “What?”

The audience just glared some more.

“Krieger!” he shouted.

Again, the audience made up of a hog tied Krieger continued to glare at him.

He poked Krieger’s shoulder. “Krieger!”

Krieger barred his teeth but remained silent.

“Krieger!” he tried again. He grinned widely and poked Krieger’s shoulder harder.

“Archer!” Krieger finally snapped back.

Archer suddenly frowned. He sounded like a school boy who had recess taken away. “That’s much more fun with Lana.”

“Untie me.”

Archer’s maddening grin was back. “No. So?” he asked expectantly.

“So what?” Krieger growled.

Archer chuckled. “You think oxygen deprivation made me wake up gay?”

Krieger muttered something in German under his breath before answering out loud slowly, “Thinking Ray is much better looking without the mustache doesn’t make you gay.”

“And the roughhousing?”

Krieger let out a long suffering sigh. “Not proof.”

Archer’s brow furrowed in thought. He made a half disappointed sound and his shoulders slumped. “Oh.”

“You’re still attracted to Lana, right?”

Archer made a nom-committal sound. “It’s complicated with Lana.” He wrinkled his nose. “The baby. And her man hands. I just thought that maybe…I don’t know.”

Krieger didn’t know why he felt compelled to add, “Well, a near death experience may have woken you up to the fact that you’re bi-sexual.”

Archer brightened again immediately. “That’s really a thing?”

“Yes, it’s a thing.” Krieger studied Archer for a long moment. “I propose an experiment.”

Archer held his hands up. “Oh, no. You’re not getting me in your lab. You’re not turning me into a cyborg.”

At that moment, Krieger really wished he could close his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose. “You have noticed all the monitors behind you, right?”

Archer glanced over his shoulder. “Yeah. Krieger, I thought you were much better at pirating cable. I don’t recognize any of these shows.”

Krieger’s hands itched to get out of those ropes to either tear his hair out or slap Archer. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “That’s because those are the feeds from all the security cameras I installed in the house.”

Archer glanced over his shoulder again. “Why don’t we have any outside views?”

“Forget about that right now,” Krieger snapped. 

“Wouldn’t that be useful?”

Krieger tilted his head. “Top left. Ray’s bathroom.”

Archer was off his knees in a second and back in the computer chair. He peered at the small screen. His eyes got wide. “How do I make it bigger?” he yelled. He slammed the mouse down. “Krieger, how do I make it bigger?”

“Hit control/alt/R at the same time.”

Archer jammed the keys and views of Ray in the shower popped up on every screen from any conceivable angle. His mouth went dry. “Oh, Krieger, you wonderful freak,” he whispered.

Krieger’s voice got lower. “Look at him, like a classical sculpture.”

Archer couldn’t take his eyes off the fine, strong lines of Ray’s body. He wanted to watch everything: strong and toned muscles, the water streaming over skin, and Ray’s hands as he touched himself. “It’s not like I’ve never seen him naked before, but damn. How did he get to be so…”

Krieger laughed, dark and rich. “I know you can be oblivious but Ray was an Olympic athlete.” 

“Yeah, a skier.” Archer’s laugh was strained. He leaned in closer to the screens. “Is there a sport gayer than that?”

“Figure skating.” Krieger arched his eyebrows. “Lacrosse.” 

“Lacrosse isn’t gay,” Archer muttered but he didn’t have time to be offended to the knock on his sport of choice. He reveled in the small sighs of pleasure from Ray as he was washing his hair.

Krieger had more success splitting his attention between Archer and Ray. “Nevertheless, he is a superb specimen of manhood.”

Archer reached down to cup his rapidly hardening cock. His voice cracked. “So am I.”

Krieger squirmed to create friction where he needed it. “Have you ever noticed his shampoo? It’s expensive stuff.”

It took a moment for Archer to find his voice. “I have noticed that he always smells good. Thought it was a gay thing.”

That’s when the image on screen morphed from Ray cleaning up to pleasuring himself. Archer was already breathing heavy when he saw one of Ray’s hands trail down his chest and stomach to stroke his cock. Ray threw his head back and shut his eyes.

Archer took it all in: the wrecked look on Ray’s face, the hot water running over Ray’s throat, and Ray’s hand working over an impressive cock. His heart was pounding and his cock was hard for Ray Fucking Gillette. His poor brain was already fried and he couldn’t wrap his head around that thought. He froze, just watching with his mouth hanging open.

“Go ahead,” Krieger whispered darkly. “I know you want to.”

Archer jerked. He never took his eyes off the screen while he unbuttoned and unzipped. He brought his own cock out and started stroking it in a rough rhythm to Ray onscreen.

“That’s it,” Krieger purred.

Ray was the first to come. He let out a guttural moan that pulled Archer over the edge with him.

Archer stiffened and his cock jerked in his hand. The intense rush of pleasure swept him away. The next thing he became aware of was his forehead resting against the screen. “Holy fuck.”

Archer eased back into the seat. He was still panting and all his nerves tingling. He watched Ray toweling off. “Just…just wow.”

“Archer,” Krieger broke in tightly.

Archer tore his eyes away from Ray to see Krieger squirming on the floor and even redder in the face. “Problem?”

“Yeah, if you could just…”

Archer hit his forehead with his palm. “Oh, I should’ve seen that coming. Not only watching me, cause I know I’m hot, but Ray too. That’s cruel and unusual,” he said mock solemnly and eased onto the floor to cut the ropes.

Krieger yanked Archer down beside him and guided Archer’s hand to his own hardness. “You owe me, Archer,” he growled.

“Well…” Archer tried.

“Unless you want your mother to hear about how you forced your way in here to ask me if you’re gay and masturbate to watching Ray in the shower.”

“When you put it that way,” Archer replied petulantly. “Oh, fine.”

Krieger smirked. “If you’re a good boy, I’ll let you watch some of the tapes I’ve made of Ray.”

Archer’s mega watt grin was back. He enthusiastically took Krieger in hand. “Deal, you beautiful freak.”

**Author's Note:**

> This started off as another answer to the woke up gay challenge at the WWOMB and morphed from there. This fic and other answers to the challenge can be found here:  
> https://www.squidge.org/~peja/cgi-bin/challenges.php?chalid=1268


End file.
